The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Cats
Habit 1: Be Proactive
Take initiative. Realize that you come first and that your needs take priority over everyone else’s.
Habit 2: Begin with the Tail in Mind
If the tail ain’t happy, kitty ain’t happy.
Habit 3: Put First Things First
Prioritize your work based on importance: Eating, napping, looking cute, getting rid of the dog, snacking, finding sunshine, sleeping, shredding important documents = all important.
Habit 4: Think Win-Win
Aim for mutually beneficial solutions in your relationships. For example, the dog gets a new place to live and you get a dog-free life. The human gets to use the can opener, and you get snacks. Your staff gets to vacuum, and you get to nap on the couch. You get to try new adventures, the humans get to shop for new curtains.
Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Snack
Create an atmosphere of caring, respect, and problem solving that culminates in a full food bowl. Understand where the snacks are, and where your humans are weak. Exploit these combinations to maximize food opportunities.
Habit 6: Synergize
Use teamwork to achieve goals you can’t accomplish alone. For example, get the dog blamed for the broken vase. While the humans are yelling at the dog and cleaning up the mess, steal the chicken off the kitchen counter.
Habit 7: Sharpen the Claws
Self-explanatory. Always handy.