1. When your cat suddenly gets up and then races around the house at top speed? It is pretending to be a lightning bolt.
2. Cats adore puns and knock-knock jokes.
3. Those evenings when you watch made-for-TV movies or silly sitcoms? Your cat might be pretending to be asleep in the room, but it’s really a huge fan of trashy television shows.
4. Despite what LOLCats would have you think, felines are sticklers for proper spelling.
5. You know how your cat stares at the wall and looks very concerned, like it can hear something in there? Admit it, it creeps you out a little bit. Cats know this. It’s one of our favorite practical jokes, and you people fall for it every time.
6. The lore about shape shifting? Familiars for witches? Ebon-hued cats bringing bad luck? All that was just bad marketing. We’ve hired a new firm since then.
7. That classic “M” on tabby cats? It’s by design, and stands for “magnificent.” The rest of the breeds have to opt in for tattoos.
8. Cats love to look at fashion magazines. We want to keep current with the new styles in order to properly shed on your clothes.
9. I know I said we care about proper spelling, but we love it when you call us “kitteh.”
10. It’s all about the cat snacks.