CATastrophes video series = TWO paws up!

Funny things happen when cats appear. . . . .  that is the premise behind the awesome and funny videos in CATastrophes.   This weekly web series is fantastic because it stars adoptable cats, and everyone knows shelter cats rock.  There are some humans in the videos, too, but it’s really all about the cats.

Some of the videos feature “harder to adopt” felines, and some provide educational information for humans.  Many of the cat actors and extras are available for adoption, but this is not true for the humans you will see in the videos.

You MUST watch these

One of my favorite episodes stars Gorilla Biscuit, an amazing FIV+ kitty from Tree House Humane.  Since he’s a black cat, his fur is the perfect accessory for any wardrobe, and he’s already formally dressed for any award shows he gets invited to.  Watch it now: Single and Searching, and be sure to show all your friends.

Go feed your cat and then settle in to watch all the episodes by clicking here:   Make sure you subscribe, so I don’t have to keep reminding you when future episodes are available.

Cats are the stars of these videos

I give all of the videos in the CATastrophes series two paws up.   I’d even rather watch one of these than nap in the laundry basket.   After you have watched all the episodes, go feed your cat.

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The Petties 2014: Funniest Blog/ Blogger

I am a finalist in the Petties Awards, in the category of Funniest Blog.  While I am funny (and very, very cute), this message has a serious note.

When I win this award, a donation of $1000 will be made to the shelter of my choice.  Of course, I choose my shelter, the Humane Society of Chittenden County (HSCC).   This the place where I met Thing One. If it wasn’t for the staff at HSCC, I wouldn’t be a famous internet cat.  I would still be awesome and very, very cute (of course), but you wouldn’t know about me.

You can vote for me (and a bunch of other wonderful pet bloggers) every day this month at  I will remind you.  Cats excel at persistence.

Please vote for me if I have ever made you laugh or smile.  Since I don’t have a paycheck or a credit card, there are limited ways I can say “thanks” to my shelter, HSCC.

CFB’s Top Ten Reasons to Like HSCC:

1. The staff there thinks I am cute. And fabulous. They are professionals, so they should know.
2. They accept animals brought to them regardless of health, age, or behavioral issues.
3. They know I’m awesome. And adorable. They told me so.
4. They work hard to to make the right match for every animal – and every potential adopter – in their care.
5. Me + Thing One = Unbeatable combination.
6. They do not euthanize animals for space or length of stay – they keep and care for every animal at HSCC for as long as it takes to find them a forever home.
7. The staff and volunteers were all really nice to me, even when I wasn’t nice to them.
8. They have many community education and outreach programs.
9. Did I mention they think I am cute? And fabulous?
10. If it wasn’t for HSCC, I wouldn’t have my couch.


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Guest Room Resort Travel Review, Part 2

I am continuing the review of my trip to the Guest Room Resort.  I recently spent a week there, having gotten a recommendation to visit from my friend Fishy Fishy, who once stayed a month there under the bed.  If you missed the first part of my travelogue, you can catch up with my critique by clicking HERE.  Today’s update on the trip will focus on the dining experience at the Resort.

As you know, the Guest Room Resort is all-inclusive. I expected to be served 7-10 meals a day and have unlimited access to snacks and room service.  I was disappointed.  I’m not sure how you justify advertising “all inclusive” if you don’t include all the things that I want.

This did NOT arrive in my room.

My suite at the Resort was quite a hike from the restaurant. Of course they did not mention that in the brochure.  I repeatedly asked for a carry-to and carry-back service between my room and the restaurant, but the staff just looked at me.  It was very insulting.  I ordered room service every day of my vacation, and nothing ever arrived, despite my protests.

When it became obvious that I wasn’t going to enjoy dining in the comfort of my garden view room, I made the long trek to the restaurant.  I showed up early for my reservation and was pleased to find a nice mat on the table for napping, but I did have to lie there on the dinner table for almost 20 minutes before the wait staff approached.

It’s lovely when the tables have nap blankets AND snacks.

I was offered an extremely limited menu, and service was slow.  I knew right away I would not be leaving a tip for this crew.  Throughout the week, other patrons at the Guest Room Resort Restaurant were very cranky and rude when I patted or licked their meals. Most of the Resort guests spent a lot of time yelling things like “No, no, bad kitty” during their meals. It was very odd.

Like all well-mannered travelers, I made sure knocked any items served that I did not care for on to the floor. Once in a while, they provided a dog for diners to accidentally spill things on.  I was concerned that the dog was allowed in the restaurant kitchen, and I did contact the health inspector.

With the right aim, you could whack the dog in the head with a raspberry.

On a positive note, every Guest Room Resort brunch included buttered toast.  Oddly, almost every time I left the restaurant, a lamp fell over.

It’s time to hit the couch.  In the next installment of my vacation review, I’ll critique the tours, entertainment, and shopping.

This dining etiquette caused the other patrons to be very cranky and loud.

photo credits
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Guest Room Resort Travel Review, part 1

Some time ago, I went on vacation. I visited the Guest Room Resort for a week. You know I usually stay at the Comfy Chair, but last year it was crowded, and I needed a change.  While I Tweeted about my experiences during the trip, I have now composed an extensive review for publication on all the travel sites.

Cats are always ready for a vacation

I booked a suite overlooking the garden.  I made reservations online, but received no confirmation.  I contacted the staff prior to my arrival and received a brusque “Hey, kitty” reply with an odd reference to “Snookums,” but still no confirmation of my booking. Despite my trepidation, I went to the resort anyway.

Always have a cat help you pack for vacation.

Once at the Guest Room Resort, there was no one at the front desk. I called for assistance and carry-in service, but none arrived. I was little jet-lagged from my travel to the vacation suite, so I decided to settle myself in to take a nap. I left word that I’d like a wake-up call for lunch. As I was relaxing on the new, soft, expensive quilt, one of the staff barges in and starts yelling about cat fur. I demanded a refund, but I was ignored.

Vacation naps are better

My Garden View room was spacious, with a large bed.  There were no jingly or squeaky kitty toys provided, so remember to bring your own if you visit.  Almost as soon as I got in to the room, a lamp fell over. The bathroom was private, but down the hall quite a distance. When I chose the Guest Room Resort for my vacation, I was under the impression they had a casino. They do not. I was unable to find a bar at the resort to order a tuna juice.  The windowsills in the room were very narrow. The one positive thing about my vacation in the Guest Room Resort: Great wi-fi.

What I expected, based on the brochure. Not *quite* as advertised.

You know, travel writing is exhausting. I need a nap.  I’ll continue my review tomorrow and tell you about the dining experiences.


Photo credits
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The Friskies

Cats are awesome.  Cat videos are even more awesome, since they allow our antics to be shared with the world.

Every cat action is worthy of an Academy Award, but you humans will have to choose some special ones to capture and submit to The Friskies cat video contest.  Learn more at

There are four award categories:  FUNNY, RES-CUTE, EPIC and STRANGE.   While I am funny and also really, really cute, I think EPIC is category for me.   I’m going to go knock things off the counter in an epic way so Thing One can enter me in the contest.  After that, I’ll be taking an epic nap.

If it wasn’t for cats, there would be no reason to use the internet.  Cat videos are why humans go to work and turn on their computers.”  – Fleas Witherspoon, calico

Meow. Meow, meow, mew, meow.”  – Tempurra the Tabby

. . . [W]e’re thrilled to celebrate the phenomenon of cat videos and the cats who inspire them for the third year in a row.”- Some human at Friskies

Grab your phone or video camera and follow your cat around.  You could win $25,000, which you should then immediately spend on sardines and catnip.

Let me know when you enter The Friskies!

A sponsored post:  remember, I have a sushi habit to support.
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CFB, Advice Columnist

From time to time, people write to ask my advice on issues that concern them.  They do this because cats are so smart, and feline wisdom can apply to all questions.  Also,  I am awesome.

Here is a recent request from a perplexed human, @MDGuzy:

Human:  Dear wise Cat Food Breath:  We just got a kitten.  How do I keep our four-year-old adult cat, Henry, from eating all the Kitten Chow?

The kitten that ruined Henry’s life

CFB:  Human:  Buy Henry a bunch of sardines, caviar, sushi-grade ahi tuna, and some shrimp.  Pair this with some nice cheese, some sautéed chicken and buttered toast.  Don’t forget the cream and tuna juice.  I promise you the Kitten Chow won’t even be tempting.

Henry wants something like this. Only better.

Human:  LOL! Henry would love that! Of course that creates another problem… how do I then keep my girlfriend from eating Henry’s food?

CFB:  That’s easy.  Just say “No, no, bad girlfriend.”  Or try a squirt bottle.

operant conditioning

Got your own questions that need some cat logic applied to them?  Send in your mail and watch this column for CFB’s replies.

Photo credits:
Posted in cat, catfoodbreath, fans, food, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Benefit for a FOCFB (Friend of CFB)


Meet Esmeralda:

Yes, she’s a dog.  You know how I feel about dogs.  Esmeralda, however, is the BFF of Gilda, a very cool cat.  Here, Esmeralda and Gilda are working on a plot to steal some sandwiches:

Glida just let me know that Esmeralda hasn’t been well.  Earlier this week, she refused to eat and didn’t want to hang around with Gilda.  That’s serious, even for a dog.  Gilda is worried, and the vet says surgery might be necessary.  The humans have been working with the vet to help Esmeralda, and now they have some very large bills to pay.

Luckily, one of the humans is a very talented jewelry artist, and she’s selling some of her wares to cover veterinary costs.  If you like to wear beautiful things, or just like to bat sparkly trinkets under the couch, please consider doing some shopping.

This bracelet has cats!



Of course you may order from these sites, but if you write directly to the artist, she will give you a 15% discount and free shipping.   Tell her CFB sent you.   Thing One will vouch for her.  Send email to:  eburianmohr (at)

Thanks.  We don’t want Gilda to have to steal snacks alone.

PS – Gilda says “MEOW.”


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CFB’s 10 Best Tweets of 2013

2013 was a wonderful year.  I had some great moments on my couch, took a nice vacation on the comfy chair, and helped the dog get itself in a lot of trouble.

I also was my usual witty self on Twitter.  I’ve copied my most popular Tweets of the past year here for your enjoyment, along with some photos of my fans.  Be sure to follow me all through 2104!


It’s Friday the 13th. Remember that if a black cat crosses your path, it means the kitty is going somewhere. Probably for snacks.

I am not fat. I’m easy to see.

Are you lethargic? Have a finicky appetite? Sleep a lot? Not very motivated? You’re not depressed, you’re a cat.

Life without cats is like an unsharpened pencil….there’s no point.

I’m going to issue a CFB IPO. $45 gets you one share of cat fur.

Cat joke: Q: Meow mew mew meow mrrw? A: Meow rrrrww mrrrow mew mew meow. Hee hee. Cats love puns.

It’s Thanksgiving. Be thankful for your cat.

Putting up your tree today? Have a cat? Just break all of your ornaments now and save yourself from having to worry about them later.

Yeah, wow. Some people are just so cranky when their Christmas tree falls over. Accidentally. Because I wasn’t getting any attention.





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Thank you, Santa

Dear Santa:

While I like all the gifts you left, you failed to take the dog that I had clearly left under the tree for you.  I hope you can grab the reindeer and swing by to pick it up soon.

Thing One and Thing Two did not buy me any presents, so I appreciate that you were the only one to pile up the loot under my tree.   I have already lost most of the toys you brought under the couch, so while you’re over here picking up the dog, maybe you could move some furniture and retrieve all the jingle balls and toy mice?

Thank you again for all the Christmas gifts.  Please leave more next year.

Love,  CFB

P.S. Sorry I drank all the milk that was left out for you.

P.S.S.  Not all of my cat friends can write letters to Santa, so here’s some pictures of them enjoying their gifts and saying “thanks” in their own way:

LeClair didn’t love the water fountain, but the snacks were great.


Santa brought Meiga the present she hoped for the most

Garfield’s staff helps with his gifts. He was most impressed with the iPhone.

Macy has already had hours of fun with this toy.

Dexter was given all the packing materials — score!

Errol wishes he got one of these for every room.

Thanks again, Santa!  Feel free to stop by in January to leave more toys.

Posted in cat, catfoodbreath, cats, Christmas, holiday, occupytree, Santa | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Occupy Tree: Santa Comes Tonight


Cats around the world are waiting under their tree tonight for Santa.


Cat tree, or Christmas tree, it’s all the same to Santa.


Not all humans will get gifts.

Occupy Tree participants

Waiting under the tree is better with snacks.


Santa like kitties to help with the milk and cookies that get left under the tree.


Mostly, Santa just needs help with the milk.

Occupy Tree Participant

While Occupying the Tree, it’s important to live in the present.

Live in the present

Or on it.

Gift bags can be better than boxes.


It’s important to be sure all the ornaments are just right for Santa.


Santa likes some of the ornaments to be on the floor.


Santa is very particular about some of the branches.


No tree is too small for Santa.


Santa says:  All kitties are good kitties.

Thank you to all of my fans who have posed for Occupy Tree photos.  Merry Christmas to all of you.  May your stockings be filled with sardines, and may all your gifts be tuna fish.

Posted in cat, catfoodbreath, Christmas, gift wrap, holiday, occupytree, Santa | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments