Ornament Report – Cat police update

Do you have lost or damaged holiday decorations?  Do not blame your cat.  Chances are, your kitty is on patrol trying to protect your home from holiday vandals.

Recent DNA analysis points to these suspects:

Nativity sheep are NOT to be trusted, and they love to eat tinsel.

In other nativity scene news, the wise men are missing.  If you have any information as to their whereabouts, please contact 1-800-CAT-TOYS.   Here’s a recent picture of them.

There is a record of a text that Balthasar sent to Melchior this morning, inquiring about good myrrh shops in the area, but there has been no cell phone activity since then.

Joe has been under the couch since Tuesday morning, and the camel (not pictured) is in the laundry room.  We believe the camel is in hiding after discovery of strong evidence that it was involved in the (accidental?) tipping over of the crystal bowl filled with vintage glass balls.  Donkey hoof prints have been found on the buttered toast.

No one is sure what this creature is,  but it has been seen on the kitchen counter knocking over the coffee mugs.

If you cat has been hanging around in the Christmas tree, you can rest assured that it is keeping a close eye on all the mischief that is being done by the holiday decorations.  Go feed your cat and say “thank you” for the protection it offers you.


Photo credits:
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Ornament Report, 12/9


Many people ask, “Why doesn’t my cat produce such wonderful reports and graphs?”

Your cat DOES have this kind of data collection.  Every day.  In fact, your kitty is an Excel power user.   Perhaps you need to ask yourself why you aren’t on the distribution list.   Think about it.



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Ornament Relocation Report

Some people are surprised that cats produce such detailed reports of their #OccupyTree activities.  We take this job very seriously.


No nativity sheep were harmed in the creation of this graph.

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Ornament Report

As part of my holiday job, I am keeping careful tabs on the ornaments. Stay tuned for the next report.

Occupy Tree!

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Dear Kitten: T-shirt give-away

If you haven’t seen the very adorable (but not as adorable as me, of course) video illustrating how a cat imparts household and life lessons to the fuzzy new family member,  you need to do so now:  “Dear Kitten”  The classic advice Cat gives to Kitten is timeless and wise, like all guidance from felines.

You need a T-shirt to show your commitment to awesome internet cats, so you should enter to win a FREE “Dear Kitten” T-shirt!


How?  Easy!

(A) Subscribe to my blog.   Look over on the right, under the Photo of the Day.

(B) Leave a comment on this post that describes the most meaningful piece of advice you have received from a cat.

(C) Be sure to include your e-mail address (will NOT be published), so my staff can let you know if you win.

Winners will be notified on Nov 8 and will need to reply with a mailing address and choice of size by Nov 10.  US shipping only, sorry.

Other Dear Kitten videos:  My Friend Peanut and Dear Kitten: Impersona-cat


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CATastrophes video series = TWO paws up!

Funny things happen when cats appear. . . . .  that is the premise behind the awesome and funny videos in CATastrophes.   This weekly web series is fantastic because it stars adoptable cats, and everyone knows shelter cats rock.  There are some humans in the videos, too, but it’s really all about the cats.

Some of the videos feature “harder to adopt” felines, and some provide educational information for humans.  Many of the cat actors and extras are available for adoption, but this is not true for the humans you will see in the videos.

You MUST watch these

One of my favorite episodes stars Gorilla Biscuit, an amazing FIV+ kitty from Tree House Humane.  Since he’s a black cat, his fur is the perfect accessory for any wardrobe, and he’s already formally dressed for any award shows he gets invited to.  Watch it now: Single and Searching, and be sure to show all your friends.

Go feed your cat and then settle in to watch all the episodes by clicking here: YouTube.com/catcatastrophes   Make sure you subscribe, so I don’t have to keep reminding you when future episodes are available.

Cats are the stars of these videos

I give all of the videos in the CATastrophes series two paws up.   I’d even rather watch one of these than nap in the laundry basket.   After you have watched all the episodes, go feed your cat.

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The Petties 2014: Funniest Blog/ Blogger

I am a finalist in the Petties Awards, in the category of Funniest Blog.  While I am funny (and very, very cute), this message has a serious note.

When I win this award, a donation of $1000 will be made to the shelter of my choice.  Of course, I choose my shelter, the Humane Society of Chittenden County (HSCC).   This the place where I met Thing One. If it wasn’t for the staff at HSCC, I wouldn’t be a famous internet cat.  I would still be awesome and very, very cute (of course), but you wouldn’t know about me.

You can vote for me (and a bunch of other wonderful pet bloggers) every day this month at http://petties.dogtime.com/.  I will remind you.  Cats excel at persistence.

Please vote for me if I have ever made you laugh or smile.  Since I don’t have a paycheck or a credit card, there are limited ways I can say “thanks” to my shelter, HSCC.

CFB’s Top Ten Reasons to Like HSCC:

1. The staff there thinks I am cute. And fabulous. They are professionals, so they should know.
2. They accept animals brought to them regardless of health, age, or behavioral issues.
3. They know I’m awesome. And adorable. They told me so.
4. They work hard to to make the right match for every animal – and every potential adopter – in their care.
5. Me + Thing One = Unbeatable combination.
6. They do not euthanize animals for space or length of stay – they keep and care for every animal at HSCC for as long as it takes to find them a forever home.
7. The staff and volunteers were all really nice to me, even when I wasn’t nice to them.
8. They have many community education and outreach programs.
9. Did I mention they think I am cute? And fabulous?
10. If it wasn’t for HSCC, I wouldn’t have my couch.


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Guest Room Resort Travel Review, Part 2

I am continuing the review of my trip to the Guest Room Resort.  I recently spent a week there, having gotten a recommendation to visit from my friend Fishy Fishy, who once stayed a month there under the bed.  If you missed the first part of my travelogue, you can catch up with my critique by clicking HERE.  Today’s update on the trip will focus on the dining experience at the Resort.

As you know, the Guest Room Resort is all-inclusive. I expected to be served 7-10 meals a day and have unlimited access to snacks and room service.  I was disappointed.  I’m not sure how you justify advertising “all inclusive” if you don’t include all the things that I want.

This did NOT arrive in my room.

My suite at the Resort was quite a hike from the restaurant. Of course they did not mention that in the brochure.  I repeatedly asked for a carry-to and carry-back service between my room and the restaurant, but the staff just looked at me.  It was very insulting.  I ordered room service every day of my vacation, and nothing ever arrived, despite my protests.

When it became obvious that I wasn’t going to enjoy dining in the comfort of my garden view room, I made the long trek to the restaurant.  I showed up early for my reservation and was pleased to find a nice mat on the table for napping, but I did have to lie there on the dinner table for almost 20 minutes before the wait staff approached.

It’s lovely when the tables have nap blankets AND snacks.

I was offered an extremely limited menu, and service was slow.  I knew right away I would not be leaving a tip for this crew.  Throughout the week, other patrons at the Guest Room Resort Restaurant were very cranky and rude when I patted or licked their meals. Most of the Resort guests spent a lot of time yelling things like “No, no, bad kitty” during their meals. It was very odd.

Like all well-mannered travelers, I made sure knocked any items served that I did not care for on to the floor. Once in a while, they provided a dog for diners to accidentally spill things on.  I was concerned that the dog was allowed in the restaurant kitchen, and I did contact the health inspector.

With the right aim, you could whack the dog in the head with a raspberry.

On a positive note, every Guest Room Resort brunch included buttered toast.  Oddly, almost every time I left the restaurant, a lamp fell over.

It’s time to hit the couch.  In the next installment of my vacation review, I’ll critique the tours, entertainment, and shopping.

This dining etiquette caused the other patrons to be very cranky and loud.

photo credits
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Guest Room Resort Travel Review, part 1

Some time ago, I went on vacation. I visited the Guest Room Resort for a week. You know I usually stay at the Comfy Chair, but last year it was crowded, and I needed a change.  While I Tweeted about my experiences during the trip, I have now composed an extensive review for publication on all the travel sites.

Cats are always ready for a vacation

I booked a suite overlooking the garden.  I made reservations online, but received no confirmation.  I contacted the staff prior to my arrival and received a brusque “Hey, kitty” reply with an odd reference to “Snookums,” but still no confirmation of my booking. Despite my trepidation, I went to the resort anyway.

Always have a cat help you pack for vacation.

Once at the Guest Room Resort, there was no one at the front desk. I called for assistance and carry-in service, but none arrived. I was little jet-lagged from my travel to the vacation suite, so I decided to settle myself in to take a nap. I left word that I’d like a wake-up call for lunch. As I was relaxing on the new, soft, expensive quilt, one of the staff barges in and starts yelling about cat fur. I demanded a refund, but I was ignored.

Vacation naps are better

My Garden View room was spacious, with a large bed.  There were no jingly or squeaky kitty toys provided, so remember to bring your own if you visit.  Almost as soon as I got in to the room, a lamp fell over. The bathroom was private, but down the hall quite a distance. When I chose the Guest Room Resort for my vacation, I was under the impression they had a casino. They do not. I was unable to find a bar at the resort to order a tuna juice.  The windowsills in the room were very narrow. The one positive thing about my vacation in the Guest Room Resort: Great wi-fi.

What I expected, based on the brochure. Not *quite* as advertised.

You know, travel writing is exhausting. I need a nap.  I’ll continue my review tomorrow and tell you about the dining experiences.


Photo credits
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The Friskies

Cats are awesome.  Cat videos are even more awesome, since they allow our antics to be shared with the world.

Every cat action is worthy of an Academy Award, but you humans will have to choose some special ones to capture and submit to The Friskies cat video contest.  Learn more at http://www.thefriskies.com/

There are four award categories:  FUNNY, RES-CUTE, EPIC and STRANGE.   While I am funny and also really, really cute, I think EPIC is category for me.   I’m going to go knock things off the counter in an epic way so Thing One can enter me in the contest.  After that, I’ll be taking an epic nap.

If it wasn’t for cats, there would be no reason to use the internet.  Cat videos are why humans go to work and turn on their computers.”  – Fleas Witherspoon, calico

Meow. Meow, meow, mew, meow.”  – Tempurra the Tabby

. . . [W]e’re thrilled to celebrate the phenomenon of cat videos and the cats who inspire them for the third year in a row.”- Some human at Friskies

Grab your phone or video camera and follow your cat around.  You could win $25,000, which you should then immediately spend on sardines and catnip.

Let me know when you enter The Friskies!  http://www.thefriskies.com/

A sponsored post:  remember, I have a sushi habit to support.
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