2013 Couchathon

Posted on May 2, 2013 by CFB

Second Annual CFB Couch Marathon

Get ready for the premiere couch napping event of the year:  The CFB Ultimate Couch Marathon –  the “Couchathon.”  Sign up for a full Couch Marathon (26.2 hours) or Half Couch Marathon (13.1 hours) and nap with the world’s most elite couchers.   Don’t miss out on your chance to be a participant in this exciting event.

Training tip: Choose a couch you look great on

Course Information:
The marathon will start on the couch and end on the couch.  (That’s why we call it a couch marathon.)  The marathon begins at 9 AM sharp.  A late start at 11 AM or 3 PM is available for marathoners who don’t expect to be awake that early in the day.

Marathon Rules:

  • Entry fees are non-refundable and non-transferable.
  • You must be in good health and physically prepared to take on the challenge of a Couchathon.
  • You must show photo ID or catnip to receive your marathon number and timing chip.
  • State of the art Couch-Track timing tags will be attached to your couch to record participants’ times.   Marathon numbers are required to participate.

 

A young, extreme, free-style couchathoner.

FAQ:
Q: When is the 2013 CFB Couch Marathon and when does registration open?
A: The 2013 CFB Couch Marathon will be held sometime in July.  Or August.  Sometime this year, for sure.  As you know, couch marathoners don’t like specific deadlines.  It’s all about the nap.  Registration is open now, until June 5.

Q: How much does it cost to register?
A:   It’s up to you. Anyone who makes a donation — of any size — to my shelter’s annual fund raiser will be registered for the Couchathon.  http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/CatFoodBreath/2013-walk-and-run

Q:  Is there a marathon capacity for the 2013 CFB Couchathon?
A:  There is a strict limit of ten cats per couch.

Q:  Do I need a qualifying time to enter the CFB Couchathon?
A:  Yes. You need to have completed a minimum eight-hour nap in a qualifying sleep event some time in the last calendar year.

Taken near the end of the 2012 Couchathon…. This athlete has hit the wall

Q:  Where can I pick up my registration packet and timing chip?
A:  These will be mailed to you.  We don’t want to ask our extreme athletes to leave their couches.

Q:  Are water stations available?
A:   No. We recommend you hydrate with cream and tuna juice.

Q:  Are there awards?
A:   Yes!  Everyone who registers will receive a free CFB Couchathon certificate.  Be sure to leave your e-mail address so we can sent it out to you.

Start your nap training today!

It’s good to have a training buddy

PHOTO CREDITS
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ncarey/85858906/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rhysasplundh/5945036824/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/lox/67451997/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/bzo/11285330/
Posted in cat, catfoodbreath, catnip, cats, couch, exercise, occupycouch, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My story: Thing One, my humble beginnings (and a scoop on Spud)

Posted on April 28, 2013 by CFB

I know all my fans will want to help me say “thank you” to the organization that made it possible  for me to meet Thing One and then share my fabulous-ness on the internet.   Next month, I’m participating in the Humane Society of Chittenden County’s annual Walk for the Animals.   This is their biggest fundraising event of the year.  To be more specific, I’ll be participating by sleeping on the couch during the entire walk event.  I’ll be in training from now until June 9th to get in shape for this monumental athletic endeavor.

HSCC INTERVIEWS CFB

I sat down with the staff from the Humane Society of Chittenden County (HSCC) to reminisce about our shared history.  You can learn more about them here:  http://www.chittendenhumane.org/

Here’s the report on our chat:

HSCC:  So, you spent some time at HSCC.
CFB:  Yes.  It was some time ago, but I remember your place well.

HSCC:  What did you think of your time here?
CFB:  You have a nice facility.  I wasn’t very polite when I first arrived, but the staff were very welcoming all the same.  The food was excellent.  I received a lot of attention.  Everyone was very kind.  Did I mention the food was great?  I had a wonderful room and I made some good cat friends.

HSCC:  What was your favorite part?
CFB:  The snacks.

HSCC:  How long were you here?
CFB:  Well, I was prepared to stay there forever.  The food was awesome.  I’d had a bad breakup in my past, and I really didn’t want to get in to a new relationship.  You know.  The staff assured me I could stay until I found a home.  I didn’t want to find a human, I just wanted to hang with my new cat friends and enjoy the snacks.

HSCC:  But, you were adopted.
CFB:  I know.  I was napping on the cat tree one afternoon after lunch, and Thing One came in the cat room.  I was used to all kinds of people coming in.  Of course folks wanted to meet me, since I am so fabulous, but this was different.  I fell for Thing One instantly.  I can’t explain it, but it was better than catnip.  Almost.  OK, not really.  But I chose Thing One anyway and decided to make a commitment.

HSCC:  And you’ve lived Happily Ever After?
CFB:  Sort of.  When I picked out Thing One, I didn’t realize Thing Two was part of the deal, but by then it was too late, since we had already completed the paperwork.   Thing Two, as you know, has a dog.

HSCC:  Here at the Humane Society, we love all animals.
CFB:  Yes, but I don’t.  You know how I feel about dogs.  Would you like a dog?

 

HSCC:  No, thank you.  We know your dog has a good home.
CFB:  No comment.

HSCC:  Do you have any advice for the kitties that are still here?
CFB:  Never underestimate the power of looking cute.  Your lives are too short to nap on low thread-count sheets.  Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.

HSCC:  What would you like people to know about us?
CFB:  Well, you just rock.  You helped me in a tough time, and you brought me together with Thing One and the wonderfully squishy lap.  I am an awesome cat, and you helped make it possible for the world to know that, too.

HSCC:  Any last words?
CFB:  What’s for lunch?

 

My fundraising page:  http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/CatFoodBreath/2013-walk-and-run  (Notice that I have a training buddy!)

Anyone who donates this week — any amount — and leaves a comment here on the blog (be sure to include your e-mail address!) will receive a copy of my new story about my nieces and nephews: Twinkle, Ruby, Diamond, and Spud.

Twinkle, Ruby, Diamond, and Spud

Posted in cat, catfoodbreath, dog, Labradumb, marathon, naps, shelter, Staff | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

How to Make Buttered Toast

Posted on April 20, 2013 by CFB

If you have been paying any attention to me at all, you know I am a fan of buttered toast.

butter goes with everything

Recently, I Tweeted a recipe for buttered toast that I found online.  http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Buttered-Toast  While this Tweet was very popular, it turns out that the process for making buttered toast is not at all like this at my house.  Here’s Thing One’s recipe:

this toast could use more butter

THING ONE’S BUTTERED TOAST

  1.  remove cat from counter
  2. open bread, remove slices
  3. remove cat from counter
  4. look for new twisty-tie for bread wrapper, since first one is now under the refrigerator
  5. remove cat from counter
  6. look for another twisty-tie for bread wrapper, since second one is now under the refrigerator
  7. find bread slices on floor
  8. remove cat from counter
  9. retrieve new slices of bread
  10. repeat twisty-tie routine
  11. remove cat from counter
  12. wipe up spilled coffee from counter and floor

removing the cat from the kitchen counter is optional

Part 2
  1. put bread in toaster, depress lever
  2. get butter from refrigerator
  3. remove cat from refrigerator
  4. retrieve plate from cupboard
  5. remove cat from cupboard
  6. put toast on plate
  7. remove cat from counter
  8. locate section of butter not licked by cat
  9. add butter to toast
  10. sigh loudly as stick of butter is knocked to floor
  11. retreat to couch
  12. watch cat lick toast

always leave butter out for the kitty

 

 photo credits:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/pink_floyd/2409131805/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/75001512@N00/6566846499/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/spentrails/3232534500/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/litlnemo/4677897665/

 

 

Posted in cat, catfoodbreath, couch, diet, food | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Prizes awarded!

Posted on April 10, 2013 by CFB

As you recall, I recently posted a photo collection of random things from under my couch.   When Thing Two saw the large pile of items that had been photographed,  I could tell right away that it made a great impression.  Thing Two came out with an array of compliments such as these:

  • What has that cat been doing now?
  • Where did all this stuff come from?
  • $#&*^$$@!
  • How did the cat find THAT?
  • I’ve been looking for this.
  • You have got to be kidding me.

Thing Two then left.  It came back later with a gigantic bag of cat toys.   Here it is:

My new stash of toys

Thing Two presented it with a wonderful speech about me and my skills.  I’ll paraphrase:

“Blah blah blah play with your own toys  blah blah blah no, no bad kitty blah blah blah blah leave my things alone blah blah blah blah blah blah catnip fish blah blah blah sparkle balls blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.” 

Dear reader, it took me about seven minutes to get all of these new goodies under the couch.  I also included a cell phone, two credit cards, a $20 bill, some jewelry, car keys, and a plastic thing that’s “critical” for some expensive item in the office.  Obviously, cats respond well to reward and praise.

Oh, and the give-away?  Since I have new items to bat around, the lucky winner of my Fan Appreciation contest will receive one of my old Random Items From Under The Couch.  Watch your e-mail if you entered!

 

Posted in blog, cat, catfoodbreath, catnip, cats, fans, giveaway, marketing, Secret Cat Stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

random items from under the couch

Posted on April 9, 2013 by CFB

At some point during my morning nap, my Twitter account topped 30,000 followers.  As promised, it’s time to hand out some Fan Appreciation prizes.

In accordance with Secret Cat Method prize selection rules, I am posting a partial inventory of random items from under my couch.

I personally batted each one of these items under my couch at some point in the last week.  Note the wide variety in crinkle factor and skitter-ability.  I know, it’s a great talent.  Can you find all the items Not Meant To Be Cat Toys?

Leave a comment to let me know which item you think is my best accomplishment.

What’s under YOUR couch?

 

Posted in cat, catfoodbreath, couch, fans, giveaway | Tagged , , , , , , | 13 Comments

How Not to Talk to a Kitty

Posted on April 4, 2013 by CFB

Thing One and Thing Two sometimes have their human friends over to my house.   When I deign to get up and check out these people, they (of course) think I am adorable and want to pet me.  After countless encounters with these humans, I’ve come to realize that some of you people have no idea how to talk to a cat.  Here’s a guide of what NOT to say to that new feline you are trying to befriend:

1.  “You’re a kitty!”  Yeah.  I know that.  I’m swishing my tail and swiveling my ears.  Cats are aware that they are cats, and that you are not. We’re really perceptive that way.

2.  “I have a kitty at home!”  Duh.  You are covered in cat fur, and you smell like that cat.  It doesn’t take much in the way of detective skills to figure that out, dude.

This cat is trying to be polite

3.  “Whzthewiddlefummszmwuzzums?”  English, please.  Or Spanish.  Or even Urdu.  Cats judge you by your linguistic skills, and this is not winning you any points.

4.  “Meow, meow.”  If you’re fluent in Cat, you can possibly get away with this.  But you aren’t.  No, not even close.   The last human who tried to talk to me in Cat said something that translated to “I like Canadian ketchup in my coffee.”

This cat is reacting to that gibberish you people use

5.  “I like cats.”  Of course you do.  Everyone does.  You aren’t telling me much here.

6.  “I work with your human.”  Enough about you.  We don’t care.  It’s about the cat.  It’s all about the cat.  Don’t get distracted on non-essential topics.

7.  “You’re a pretty kitty.”  OK, you can say this.  As often as you like.  And rub my ears while you repeat that, please.

Scritch here for better reception

Next time you meet a new kitty, tell them CFB says “hello.”

photo credits:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/94515279@N00/2708078064/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/photonem/179379723/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/bourgeoisbee/2178511049/
Posted in cat, catfoodbreath, cats | Tagged , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Fan Appreciation

Posted on April 2, 2013 by CFB

If you follow me on Twitter (and why wouldn’t you?), you may have noticed that I am approaching a milestone of 30,000 followers.

To thank all of my loyal fans, I’m going to give away a prize to commemorate this event.

One of my Twitter fans

To be eligible, you must meet any one of the following criteria:

  • A)  be human*
  • B)  like cats
  • C)  be able to operate a can opener
On the day I hit 30,000 followers, I will select one entrant to win one of the Grand Prizes. The winner will be chosen by Secret Cat Method #47, and the Grand Prize will be chosen using Secret Cat Method #104.  Of course, if I am napping when the 30,000 milestone is reached, I will choose a winner when I get around to it.  

Too busy to work on the give-away contest

YOUR ENTRY MAKES YOU ELIGIBLE TO WIN ONE OF THESE FABULOUS PRIZES!
  • Seven day trip for two to Hawaii
  • Ten day cruise to Alaska
  • Deluxe kitchen remodel
  • Trip to Hollywood to meet movie stars
  • Labradumb
  • Pile of cash
  • 2013 Mercedes-Benz CLS 550
  • Ten carat diamond ring
  • Random thing from under the couch
  • Round trip airfare around the world
  • Spa week in the tropics

A prize on the list

Only one of these fantastic prizes will be awarded!  Don’t miss your chance to win.
To enter my Fan Appreciation contest, complete the following:
  • follow my blog, if you aren’t already
  • leave a comment on this post that mentions how wonderful I am;  include your e-mail (not shared with public)
  • BONUS:  share this contest on social media

Good luck!  I hope you win!  I am awesome!

*Thing One and Thing Two are not eligible to enter
_______________________________________
photo credits:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/reway2007/2927363741/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/denverjeffrey/8476801743/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/19779889@N00/2091683763/
Posted in cat, catfoodbreath, cats, giveaway, Labradumb | Tagged , , , , , , , | 59 Comments

CFB’s Guide to Getting Rid of the Dog

Posted on January 12, 2013 by CFB

 

Posted in cat, catfoodbreath, cats, dog, giveaway, Labradumb | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Secret Cat Stuff: Cat Club Rules

Posted on January 8, 2013 by CFB

If you are a cat, you already know everything about Secret Cat Stuff (SCS).  All cats are automatically members of Cat Club, where SCS is studied.  For you non-felines, I’m sharing some the basic rules of Cat Club here.   Reading this list does not entitle you to claim that you understand cats.

A good day at Cat Club

1st RULE of Cat Club: You do not talk about Cat Club.

2nd RULE of Cat Club: You DO NOT talk about Cat Club.

3rd RULE of Cat Club: If someone says “no, no, bad kitty,” this may be ignored.

4th RULE of Cat Club:  Only one cat to a lap, unless it’s extra squishy.

5th RULE of Cat Club:  One snack at a time, unless you are really hungry.

A good day at Cat Club

6th RULE of Cat Club:  No shirts without fur.

7th RULE of Cat Club:  Naps will go on as long as they have to.

8th RULE of Cat Club:  If this is your first day of Cat Club, you HAVE to nap.

A good day at Cat Club

Photo credits:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/kayaker1204/4338153364/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/icanchangethisright/4821315305/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/andreanna/2707220900/
Posted in cat, catfoodbreath, cats, naps, Secret Cat Stuff, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 7 Comments

From the Mailbag…..

Posted on January 6, 2013 by CFB

Of course I get tons of fan mail.  Everyone loves me.

This loyal follower has been on the edge of his couch keeping up with the drama of my escapades.  Each episode of Occupy Couch and Occupy Tree added up to this kitty’s big smile.

A happy fan

Be sure to submit your photos that illustrate how much you adore me, and perhaps you shall be featured in future Mailbag posts.

Posted in cat, catfoodbreath, cats, couch, fans, occupycouch, occupytree | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments